Once Unwritten

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March 25, 2019 by Jess 3 Comments

Words of Wisdom: Wildflower Edition

Photo Credit: Kimi Eisele, @kimieisele

Last week, I made a last-minute trip to Tucson. My Nana has been in and out of the hospital, and while it was nothing critical, the ongoing nature of her sickness concerned me enough that I felt it warranted a visit.

I got a late start on Wednesday which meant that I was crossing the Arizona state line around 6:00 p.m. I always love this moment of crossing boundary lines, regardless of where I am. I feel like I’m stepping from one world into another. This is especially true when I visit my hometown. To my surprise, I was greeted by the setting sun and fields upon fields of yellow wildflowers. While this is not uncommon in the desert in Spring, it is uncommon to see so many. As I drove past them, I realized just how special it was. (I currently live in Texas and at this time of year, roadside wildflowers are varied and plentiful. Bluebonnets are a protected species for crying out loud! Texans loves their flowers. )

When I arrived to my childhood home and told my mom about the flowers, she said that I should take a drive through Gates Pass, a scenic Tucson drive, to see all of the orange and purple flowers in full bloom. It did not disappoint. I wanted to get pictures of it all, but I was so caught up in the moment, lime Eegee in hand (wait, what’s an eegee?!), that I just enjoyed the scene in front of me instead. It was the first time in weeks that I felt relaxed and at peace.

As I made the long drive back to Texas yesterday, I had some thoughts about the wildflowers and myself:

  1. I was born in the desert. I never realized how special desert people are until I moved away. Desert dwellers are hardy and adaptable. They can withstand 40 to 50 degree temperature changes between night and day. This was my experience between Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. Saturday’s temperature reached 83 degrees and the overnight temperature was 36 degrees! They know how to go with the flow and take what comes at them.
  2. Desert dwellers are resourceful. They make do with what they have (sometimes with very little) and they do it with grace and dignity. They have learned to make the most of what they have…think mesquite flour and prickly pear jam. Nowhere else would someone see a spiny pink orb on a cactus and think it was meant to be eaten The desert has little water for the people, plants and animals it sustains and yet, in those moments of want and need, desert people seem to thrive the most.
  3. Desert people have mastered the art of appreciating the small things. In the desert, the summer is long and the winter is brief. This is one of the first years in decades that has seen large amounts of winter rain, cold weather and even snow! The unexpected cold, wet winter brought with it a plenitude of spring wildflowers that have painted the desert in yellows, oranges, reds and purples not seen on this scale in years. In spring and summer, the desert is green, alive and in bloom, as if to seduce the monsoon season into blessing her with more rain. The light dances off the mountain ranges with each rising and setting sun. It’s almost as if the sun brings color to the desert that if often missed during times of hardship and drought, when even the hardiest and grateful of desert people stop seeing green and only see the brown of the desert floor.

As I drove back to my Texas home, I realized the depth of my Arizona roots. The blood of the desert flows through my veins like the monsoon rains flow down months-dry river beds. When the summer rains feel like they are months away, I stand tall like the saguaros. And just like the wildflowers across the desert, I, too, will bloom when the time is right.

Do you have wildflower pictures to share? Post them in the comments below!

Filed Under: Life Coach, Words of Wisdom Tagged With: Desert, Tucson, Wildflowers

April 27, 2018 by Jess Leave a Comment

Raising Teenagers: An Accidental Blog Post on Boys, Mother’s Day and the S-Word

Disclaimer: This was meant to be a post on my Facebook page for the friends who know and love me and accept me as I am. It accidentally became a blog post since it was over 1500 words and I’m pretty sure Facebook would tell me to shut up at 1000. This post contains colorful language and was not edited after I furiously typed it all out on my keyboard. So, if you’ve read this far and can accept these terms and conditions, please keep reading…

Jess Olma Once UnwrittenOh wait, one last thing…the pretty images you see on this post? Yeah, I added those after I wrote the paragraph above because I couldn’t post without them, so I’m sorry if I got you here because you saw smiles and roses and cute babies. But now that you’re here…

 

FIRST OF ALL…

I RARELY talk about the challenges associated with being a “stepmom” to a teenager, but there’s a few things I have to get off my chest, so here goes:

Maybe I should start with this. The reason why I publicly say so little about my relationship with Jacob is because he has a mom. He loves her very much and even though I may not always understand their relationship dynamic, it’s a reality. She is his mom. Anyone who has/had parents can understand this. It doesn’t matter if your dad was “Father of the Year” or whether your mother is in prison (which she is not, let me be clear), they are YOUR parents. They can make the biggest mistakes and for the most part, you will still love them, even if you have a complicated relationship.
Jacob’s mom lives five hours away, so except for summers, school breaks and holidays, he doesn’t see her very often. From the time I met Jason, I always said that him and Jacob were a package deal. I got him and I got the kid too. I know this wouldn’t work for every family or every couple, but it works for us.

Since day one, I have treated Jacob like I would if he was my own son (even though I don’t have or want any kids of my own.) I am younger than Jason and Jacob is an older kid, so this sometimes makes things tricky. I want him to respect me like an adult, but still be on his level because I remember what it was like being a teenager. (Umm…it fucking sucked!) For the most part, we have a pretty good relationship…I’ll even say better than most stepkid/stepparent relationships go. Maybe this is because I don’t have any other kids. Maybe it’s because he is my only focus. Maybe it’s because I genuinely love him and want what’s best for him. I don’t really know how I got so lucky on this front or if it’s something that one, both or all of us has done to foster this relationship, but I’m not complaining!

WHAT WENT DOWN…

That’s not to say we don’t have challenges because, Lord knows, we do. Jason travels for work and it’s often me and Jacob and the dogs. Jason had to go to Dallas yesterday for work so it was just the kid and I at home.

Well, we got into a bit of a tiff last night. It was short and over in a minute, but it still happened. (Wait…you have teenagers who like to argue too? WHAT?!?! Let’s have some wine and talk about it!)

This morning, his alarm clock didn’t go off and I happened to be home this morning. Then, the fighting really started. Why didn’t you fix your alarm clock yesterday when it didn’t go off? You forgot you were almost late yesterday…yeah right! Don’t you talk to me that way! Hurry up and get ready! No, I’m not taking you for tacos (which was what the previous night’s argument was about.)

When we got in the car and I reluctantly (before coffee) took him to school (instead of making him run for the freaking bus), I was still pretty heated and gave him a piece of my mind about being respectful and learning when to stop arguing and Jesus H Christ with the f@#$*&! Pouting already! Yeah, there was definitely some colorful language in there.

So, I drop him off, tell him to have a good day at school and that I love him before he slams the car door and walks inside. So, I’m pretty much mother of the year, right? Don’t even get an “I love you” when he gets out of the car, so both of us are obviously still pissed.

I think about all the things I said on the way home and realize that if I gave him the silent treatment, it would have been way more painful for me to keep my mouth shut. But, he doesn’t talk much anyway, so would he even notice? Well…of course he would because I’M the one who is silent this time. And then I think about every colorful word I used in conversation and regretted those too. I pulled into the driveway and wished I could have a beer instead of coffee and I would have if there had been one in my fridge even though it was only 8:29 in the morning.

Jess Olma Once Unwritten

No, this is not a picture of me and Jacob. He is a foot taller than me.

THE REASON WHY IT’S ALL GONNA BE OKAY…

As I drank my coffee, I thought back to a conversation with a co-worker earlier in the week. I told him about a situation with the kid and how I had handled it. He gave me this funny look and I thought ‘great, I am fucking this kid up even more.” And he said “You remind me of my stepmom.”

Yep…the dreaded S word that every woman wants to be compared to. (Can’t we find another word already?!)

And then he said, “She was really good with me. She met me when I was in middle school and she was a teacher. She was patient and she really loved me. I mean, I am closer to her than I am to my dad! She calls and texts me all the time to see how I’m doing. You just remind me of her.”

My eyes filled with tears. Someone, who had a stepmom come into their life at the same time, thinks that I’m doing a good job and doesn’t think I’m fucking this kid up. Someone who thinks I haven’t ruined him for life with my lack of sugar-coating, music education and forcing him to try new things at least once. Someone who can see that I genuinely love him, but don’t always know what I’m fucking doing.

I sat at my kitchen table and felt relieved and ashamed. And then, my phone buzzed. I had a message from Jacob. It started with “I apologize about this morning…”

I sent him a long message back about why I was upset this morning and that I wasn’t cursing AT him, just cursing in conversation and that I was sorry too. I told him I loved him and that I would see him when he got home from school. I put my phone down and went back to work.

A few seconds later, “I know you’re not mad, neither am I. Love you too.”

And just like that, two days of arguing and fighting erased with a short text.

WHAT IT REALLY MEANS TO BE A MOM…

You know…for a long time, I haven’t embraced my role as a parent because I didn’t want to make his mom feel bad. Because I didn’t want to make him feel like I was taking his mom’s place. I would Jess Olma Once UnwrittenNEVER want either of them to feel like I was belittling their roles or relationships because of me, but here’s the thing…

For four years, I have refused to give myself the title of “mother” because “I’m not his real mom, just his stepmom” and “I didn’t give birth to him” and “I don’t have or want other kids” and “I’m his dad’s girlfriend, not his wife, so technically I’m a fraud and I keep calling myself his stepmom and I’m not.”

But today, I’m over all that. Fuck the names and the “S” word and the stereotypes. I’m his mom too. I take care of him, I guide him, I make mistakes with him (just like every other parent does) and I love him. That’s what is most important.

This Mother’s Day will be the first that I’m out of town in the last four years. Last year was the first year that Jason and Jacob gave me Mother’s Day cards and a candle. I was happy with a “Thank You” card and some acknowledgement for the day. I’m not trying to steal his mom’s thunder…I never could if I wanted to.

But, just like I’ve told Jacob, he’s lucky because he has two sets of parents that love him and support him. And guess what? I’m part of that, so I’m taking my place at the table and owning my role.

So, here goes…

Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Jacob’s mom

Damn, I know that sounds simple, but it’s so much harder when you’re on the other side of it. So, the last thing I’m going to say about this is that I’m not looking for some pat on the back or for anyone to tell me I’m doing a good job or a bad job. (Actually…please, don’t give me a pat on the back, but please also don’t judge me…I do plenty of the latter myself and I don’t need anyone’s help on that front. Promise…I got it.)

If you’re going to say anything, please say something about a nurturing, mothering female you know. Does she have kids or students or dogs or plants? It doesn’t matter…just say something you love and admire about her and how her mothering spirit has blessed you.

I know it’s a random Friday in April and not Mother’s Day, but you know what? Today is my Mother’s Day so we’re gonna celebrate like it is. Happy Mother’s Day mamas, I love and admire each one of you! <3

Are you #mytribe? Come hang out with the rest of my crazy, amazing friends. We’d love to have you, just click HERE.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Mother's Day, Motherhood, Stepparent, Teenagers

January 18, 2018 by Jess 2 Comments

8 Reasons You Need To Watch Coco

Jess Olma Once UnwrittenThis afternoon, on a whim, I went to an afternoon viewing of Coco. This was the second time I saw it and I fell even more in love with the story and characters.

Now, admittedly, I’m a little biased since I’m a Mexican girl from Arizona. This movie made me miss my Nana and Tata, the smell of tortillas and tamales wafting through the air and the Spanglish chatter in our kitchen. Even in the seemingly insignificant parts of the movie, I was reminded of my family, from Abuelita throwing her chancla at Dante the street dog (“never name a street dog!”) to Hector’s cousins calling their friends home his “bungalow (what we always called my Tata’s man cave). And okay…I’ve got a confession: I totally cried at the Disney intro when the mariachi music began to play. Safe to say, I love this movie and here are 8 reasons why:

1. Never forget your roots. (Root, there’s that word again! Did you catch my blog on Choosing a Word of the Year? If not read it HERE). This Pixar movie cemented me belief that finding and staying connected to your roots is critical. Know your family, know their history, accept the good and the bad and make the decision not to repeat past mistakes.

2. Storytelling is important! My family has never celebrated Dia De Los Muertos like the Rivera family in Coco, so I learned more about this tradition. Abuelita Rivera explains that the ofrenda is a display of the family’s deceased loved ones with their photos and some of their favorite things in life. By displaying the items, the family was able to usher in their spirits and celebrate their lives. This also opened the door to sharing stories and keeping their spirits alive throughout the year. As a writer, I recognize the importance of telling and sharing stories. This movie reignited my passion for writing, and speaking of passion….

3. Pursue your passions!! In the movie, Miguel is pursuing his love and passion for music despite his family’s resistance. Miguel loves to play guitar and even though he’s not allowed, he does it anyway because he can’t deny the fire inside him. If an 8-year old can do it, what excuses are we making?

4. Let go of the things that are no longer serving you. In the movie, Mama Imelda cuts her baby’s father out of her life because he chose music over the family. Is this easy? No, but when it’s time to let go, LET GO. You cannot receive until you’re ready to surrender.

5. Take care of your elders (and street dogs!). This pretty much explains itself. Not to get all religious on anyone, but Jesus says to take care of the least of these, so if Jesus said it, I’m gonna do it

6. Seize your moment! This is a line that is referenced many times in the movie and it’s worth mentioning. Opportunities come to us and we often make excuses for not taking them…I’ll do it next time, I’m not ready, I can’t do it. NO! This is your moment, seize it! The time is now, don’t waste it! Seize your moment!

7. Celebrate those you love, both here and gone. Life is never too busy to celebrate those you love. Celebrating those that have left this world keeps their memory alive. Choose joy when you celebrate. There is a place for mourning, but on Dia De Los Muertos, it’s all about remembering the beautiful moments shared with your loved ones.

8. Remember me. In the movie, there’s a poignant song called “Remember Me.” If you have watched the movie already, you’ll know what I’m talking about. I previously blogged about my Tata and his journey with Alzheimer’s (found HERE) . This song reminded me of him and of our relationship and made me sad for the day that he’s not here anymore. This song also reminded me of all the friends and family members I’ve lost over the years. I’m a deep griever…I struggle with depression…death is one of the most difficult situations to navigate and it’s hard to cope. This song broke my heart, but it also served to remind me how blessed I am to have known each of those people I’ve lost. I’m better for their love and friendship and for that, I am grateful.

In short, if you haven’t seen it, go catch Coco while it’s still in theaters for a few more days, then come join my VIP Group HERE and tell us what you thought of the movie!

Filed Under: Words of Wisdom, Writing Tagged With: Movies, Music

January 11, 2018 by Jess Leave a Comment

The Importance of Choosing a Word of the Year

Word Once Unwritten Jess OlmaChoosing a Word of the Year

Hey friends, can you believe we are already 10 days into the new year?

By this point, many of us have already made and broken our resolutions for the year. We are deep in a pit of guilt and shame because once again haven’t made it to the gym, we ate too many cookies and still haven’t kicked that bad habit.

A few years ago, I realized that this was an unhealthy, destructive habit for me. There is no one in the world who is harder on me than I am on myself.  By creating unrealistic resolutions, I was setting myself up to fail. So, instead of ditching my dreams and goals entirely, I reframed them by choosing a word of the year.

Last year, I chose the word BUILD. I wanted to launch my blog, go back to school and grow in my position at work. Not only did I do all these things, but I took on a second job, made nearly all A’s in my college classes and built my skills and confidence in the process. I centered my decision-making around my word of the year and said ‘no’ to anything that did not help me BUILD in one way or another. This gave me the power to say no to things, people and ideas that were no longer serving me and allowed me to embrace new opportunities and adventures.

What 2018 Looks Like For MeWord of the Year Once Unwritten Jess Olma

As the new year approached, I began thinking about what I wanted 2018 to look like. In December, I turned 29 and I realized that I am still in the midst of discovering who I am and what I want to do with my life. While I know that this is a lifelong journey and process, I knew I wanted to enter my 30’s with direction and purpose. With that in mind, I chose the word ROOT as my word of the year.

ROOT is multi-faceted and it encompasses my desire to dig deeper into my ancestral roots, to plant a garden, and nourish my mind, body and soul with healthy food, exercise and self-care. By choosing this word of the year, I can move forward with intention and confidence. And more importantly, I can move forward without the guilt that I felt when I made resolutions.

I want to mention a couple important things that I learned from this exercise last year. In January, I knew exactly what I wanted to accomplish and I made a list of goals that would help me measure my success in certain areas of my life. As the year progressed, I realized that not only did I meet my goals, but they changed too. Before, I would have felt discouraged about the smallest change in direction, but as I embraced my word, I realized that change was part of the process. To be honest, I thought I was going to look back on my year and beam with pride over all the things I had accomplished. Believe me, I did, but what was even more remarkable was the pride and confidence I had in myself! What I learned and how I grew last year was way more important than any goal I could accomplish.

What I learned was that the magic was in me all along.

Sometimes, we forget that getting to the end of the race isn’t the point. The journey, not the destination, is what changes us and makes us who we are.

Magic Once Unwritten Jess OlmaMy Challenge to You

This year, I challenge you to choose and embrace a word that helps you to grow, to dig deeper, to cut away the unnecessary, to shine and to flourish.

There is music inside you that is waiting to be sung. There are words waiting to be written and spoken. There is treasure buried deep in your heart. Do not let another year pass without sharing your magic with this world!

Once you’ve picked out your word, come share it with us over in my VIP Group by clicking HERE.

Filed Under: Life Coach, Writing Tagged With: Word of the Year

November 30, 2017 by Jess 1 Comment

Making Memories with Alzheimer’s

Jess Olma Once Unwritten What do memories really mean for someone with Alzheimer’s?

The phone rings as I wait for my grandfather, I call him my “Tata”, to answer the phone. After several rings, he picks up the phone. “Hello” he says, stern and firm, almost like he’s expecting a telemarketer to be on the other side. As soon as he hears my voice, he softens. My voice is a familiar sound, one that he still recognizes immediately. He asks how me and the boys are and I give him a brief rundown of the latest happenings. Then, he asks me how things are going at the farm.

Jess Olma Once UnwrittenSeveral years ago, my family realized that the forgetfulness and memory loss affecting my Tata was more than forgetting a name or misplacing an item. The kind of forgetfulness he was experiencing was uncharacteristic for him. My Tata spent 20 years in the Air Force and could remember the names, dates and places of important information with little more than a moment to think about it. He could recall memories with such clarity and detail that even the slip of a name was surprising. As his frustration grew, we realized it was time to see a doctor. At the beginning of their first appointment, the doctor asked my Nana and Tata a set of ten simple questions. He continued with their conversation and circled back around to the questions at the beginning of the session. My Tata was unable to remember more than a few of the questions. To the doctor, this signified more than just senility, but the onset of Alzheimer’s.

As time has gone on, the progression of his disease, has taken more away from more than a misplaced TV remote. He doesn’t eat or he eats three meals back to back not realizing he has already had breakfast twice in a morning. He naps in the afternoon and upon seeing the time thinks it’s the early morning despite the sun being up. He forgets where he is and gets lost without someone to guide him. He gets angry and agitated and sometimes aggressive if he is out of his routine. As time has gone on, he has forgotten more of the details of his life, mostly the recent past. As the disease progresses, he time travels back to the places he knew and loved the most when he was younger. For my Tata, the best days of his life were spent in the Air Force.

Jess Olma Once UnwrittenWhen asked about his military days, my Tata could tell stories for hours. He will tell about his time spent in Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia. He talks of the bases he’s worked at from California to Arkansas to New York and all the way over to Spain. He will tell you every detail of the planes he’s worked on, but the most important was the plane he worked on the day of May 6th, 1974. When he tells this story, which is often, he starts by speaking of the plane and being in Vietnam when the war ended. “I’ll never forget, we received a memo that said “The war is over. Cease and desist all operations and prepare aircraft for return to McClellan AFB.” His eyes fill with tears and he gets choked up remembering that plane. If you’d like to see the plane, click HERE.

As I talk to my Tata on the phone, I remember he asked about the farm and I’m jolted back into the present moment. You see, I don’t live on a farm and my Tata has never been to my home in Texas. But when he asks, I tell him everything is great at the farm, the animals are good and we’ve had a great crop this year. I don’t remember when he started asking about the farm, and neither does he, but we have created a unique place that we travel to each week. The farm is owned by someone else and is on 25 acres. We moved here to take care of the property and, in return, we live here rent-free. We have a variety of animals including pigs, chickens and goats. We grow corn and have a small garden of tomatoes, squash, cucumbers and various peppers that we sell at the farmer’s market each week. The farm, or the ranch as he calls it, is beautiful. We recall the time that he came to “visit” me and he says that he’s so glad him and my Nana were able to make the trip. He doesn’t think they’ll be able to come again, but at least he got to see it once.

For Alzheimer’s patients, memories are relative, like trying to hit a moving target. On good days, memories can bring a smile and peace. On bad days, memories can ignite anger, disappointment and frustration. But, for now, no matter what kind of day it is, I can reach through the phone, grab his hand and we can time travel together and create new places to remember. Memories and reality are no limit for our imaginations.

 

(This blog post was originally written as an essay for a travel writing class I was taking, but I felt the need to share it after receiving several compliments from family, friends and classmates who were affected by it.)

Filed Under: Uncategorized, Writing

November 3, 2017 by Jess Leave a Comment

Making Every Moment Matter: Meditation for Beginners

Today, I began a 21-day meditation course called “Making Every Moment Matter.” I’m not sure when or how I first came across this, but it’s offered by Oprah and Deepak Chopra and every couple months, they release a new, free program. I have enjoyed some of the other guided meditations they’ve offered and this one, in particular, couldn’t have come at a better time.

Jess Olma Once UnwrittenAs I was looking at my calendar today, I was completely overwhelmed by my daily schedule…my work, my assignments for the college classes I’m taking, the webinars and seminars that I’m taking, the work trips that my boyfriend is scheduled to take, even the spa appointment that was meant to help me relax and rejuvenate. All of these to-do’s have gotten way out of hand, and I know it. And yet, here I am, justifying why each of them is important and why I can’t cancel them.

The reality is this: can’t is an excuse that I’m making. I “can’t” seem to cancel these activities because I DON’T want to face the real problem, which is figuring out what is most important to me. If you ask me, I’d tell you that everything I’m doing is important and to some extent, it is. The problem lies in the fact that I’m overwhelmed, overbooked and overworked. Even the activities that I would enjoy feel like a chore because instead of being in the mindset to relax and be in the moment, I’m in the mindset of “git er done.”

Jess Olma Once UnwrittenAs I was listening to Day 1 of this meditation, Deepak said something that connected with me. We make excuses about our time management skills, not because we don’t have the time or ability to be good stewards of it. The question should not be “where did the time go?” but rather, “where did the opportunities go?” I immediately thought about all of my own personal “missed opportunities”, ahem excuses, for why I wasn’t making myself available to the things and people I love most. To my boyfriend asking if I had time to watch our favorite show together or to my friend wanting to meet up for lunch or to myself when I need to take some time for myself…all of these are times when I should have paused, evaluated and asked: is this the opportunity I need to be taking advantage of in this moment? Is this opportunity opening me up to greater patience, relaxation and awareness if I take advantage of it? What does the person I love need at this moment and am I best serving them (and myself) by stopping to enjoy right now? Sometimes, the answer will be no. Sometimes the best course of action is to stay focused and on track with my schedule, but other times, I need to make myself more available to the present moment and the opportunity it’s offering me.

Jess Olma Once UnwrittenWhat about you? Do you find that your schedule is packed with activities that are causing you stress instead of bringing you joy? Are you struggling to say no, not because you can’t say no, but because you don’t know what to say yes to? Is the issue bigger than a busy schedule and more connected to your fear of what will happen if you slow down?

If that’s you, I hope you’ll join me on this journey. Here’s the link to join the latest mediation series: https://chopracentermeditation.com/

You can also join by downloading the meditation experience app: click HERE  for the Android Play Store or HERE from the Apple App Store.

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Filed Under: Life Coach, Meditation, Time Management Tagged With: Meditation, Time Management

November 2, 2017 by Jess 3 Comments

Tom Petty: Grieving the Loss of an Icon

It’s hard to believe that one month has already passed since the world lost rock and roll musician, Tom Petty. I’ve been privately grieving this loss for the last few weeks and remembering the voice of a man – of a generation of musicians – that has been unknowingly guiding me along my way since I was a young child.

Tom Petty was one of the first voices I remember hearing and recognizing, telling my dad, “That’s Tom Petty” and Jess Olma Once Unwrittenhim nodding that I got it right. Dad and I always played this sort of game where he would ask who was singing the song that was blaring on the radio. Sometimes, I’d get it right. Many more times, I’d get it wrong.

My relationship with my dad is based heavily on art and music, and it seems like the conversations we have always come back around to a song we heard, a piece we’ve seen and the things we’ve been able to connect to because of our creative, artist hearts. Dad taught me how to listen to music and appreciate it for more than words. He taught me about the importance of what music makes you feel when it touches your ears and how it feels in your heart. We often joked that I should have been born in the 50’s to really appreciate and experience the music that followed in the next two decades. He is right though. I would have loved to see Tom Petty rocking it out with the Heartbreakers on any ol’ stage. Hell, I would have loved to see any band playing a rock show back then.

Lucky for me, I had the opportunity to go see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers earlier this year in Houston. It was their 40th reunion tour and since I had missed their 30th, I knew I had to make it happen. As soon as tickets went on sale, I scooped up two. Originally, my boyfriend and I were planning to go, but a few days after I bought them, I called my dad and let him know that I was going, and could he believe that Joe Walsh was going to be the opening act? My dad was so excited for me to go, but in all honesty, the experience wouldn’t be the same if he didn’t come with me. Being over 1,000 miles away in Arizona, it didn’t seem likely that he would be able to join me, but after a couple months of talk, my mom bought him a ticket to come spend the weekend with me.

Jess Olma Once Unwritten

We drove the three hours to Houston. We had crappy lawn seats, but we didn’t care. We grabbed our lawn chairs and bought a couple beers to get us through the show. When Joe Walsh came out, he did a couple of our favorites, “Ordinary Average Guy” and “Life’s Been Good To Me So Far.” After a couple more songs, he was getting ready to close his set and he dedicated his final song, an Eagles original, Take It To The Limit, to his longtime friend and bandmate, Glenn Frey who has passed away in January 2016. It was a somber moment that resonated with the crowd, many who grew up listening to that song when it first debuted on the radio. I remember thinking that I would never hear the song the same again, and I haven’t since.

When Tom Petty came out for his set, I was thrilled. Seeing him perform was a major life box for me and I kept telling my dad that I would die happy if he’d just play my all-time favorite song, “Learning to Fly.” To be honest I don’t know when this song became my favorite, but it’s the kind of song I go back to over and over again in my life, regardless of my circumstances or surroundings.

The night of the concert was muggy and the rain had been threatening for over an hour. Being on the top of the hill, we could see the storm clouds rolling in and lightning striking all around us, but not close enough to be worried. I’ll never forget the moment, about mid-way through the set, when I heard that first note and knew that he was about to play my song, as if he had heard my personal request. The rain started to come down and I threw on the concert t-shirt my dad bought for me during the intermission. It was three sizes too big, but I didn’t care. I danced as the song played. As the rain came down, it hid the tears of joy rolling down my cheeks. I felt so alive in that moment and I never wanted that song to end.

That time spent with my dad was priceless. We enjoyed our weekend together, exploring several cities in Texas and enjoying all the things I had come to love in the two years since I moved away from Arizona.

Last month, when I learned that Tom Petty died, I was devastated. It’s hard to explain an ambiguous loss, like that of a celebrity. I didn’t know him personally and his music has survived him, so I really shouldn’t feel so sad, but I do. Part of me knows that I’ll never have an opportunity to see another show again. Part of me also knows that I probably wouldn’t go to another one even if there was another tour.Jess Olma Once Unwritten

I feel sadness and regret, even though I was able to attend that Houston show. It’s a weird sort of survivor’s guilt that I feel for experiencing one of this icon’s final performances. I can’t wrap my mind around it or articulate why it hurts, but it does. There is a hole in my heart that is only temporarily filled when I turn on one of those old records and pretend I’m back in my teenage bedroom, jamming out to “American Girl” or “Mary Jane’s Last Dance.”

I know there are people out there who have experienced this sort of loss. Maybe, for others, it feels totally normal, but for me, this has been a foreign experience. I grieve deeply. I always have. Sometimes, even the smallest loss feels like I’m drowning in an ocean of sorrow and despair, but today I’m drowning in “The Waiting”, and waiting to “Breakdown.”

Filed Under: Life Boxes Tagged With: Concert, Life Box, Music, Tom Petty

May 7, 2017 by Jess 2 Comments

Taking A First-Timer to An Art Museum

This week, I had the pleasure of taking Jacob, my 15-year old stepson, to an art museum for the first time. I live near San Antonio and recently saw a billboard for a French Impressionism exhibit that was currently on display at the McNay Art Museum and I knew I wanted to go before it was over. When I did some research, I saw that there was an a Paul Klee exhibit going on until this Sunday, and with only a few days left to catch it, we made the very spontaneous decision to go check it out on Thursday evening.

McNay Art Museum Once Unwritten Jess Olma

On the drive there, I asked Jacob if he had ever been to an art museum. No, he told me. Not gonna lie, I was a little sad to hear this, since I basically grew up in an art gallery with all the art my dad surrounded us with. Dad is an artist. He is talented with a paintbrush, but just like an athlete who can pick up any sport or a musician that can pick up and learn any instrument, my dad is the kind of artist who finds treasure in trash and he creates things everywhere he goes. He paints, he sculpts, he writes, he works with wood and metal, he builds…I’m quite certain there’s nothing in the creative realm my dad CAN’T do.  That being said, knowing my stepson had never been to an art museum broke my artist heart a little. Since this was a new experience for him, I felt I needed to teach him some things about being in an art museum and how to appreciate the experience, so here’s some first-timer tips for you.

  1. Appreciate the architecture. Your art museum experience begins long before you step foot in the door. Most art museums are a work of art themselves. Make sure you take time to appreciate the home where the art you’re seeing lives.

McNay Art Museum

  1. Know about free and discount days. Before leaving home on Thursday, I knew that teen admission was free but it was going to cost me 20 large to get in. Turns out, Thursday evening from 4-9 is sponsored by HEB, so I only paid $10 to get into the special Impressionism exhibit. Maximize your museum dollars by going at these times! Plus, the museum will typically have more staff present on those days if you have any questions.
  2. Find your favorites. The mistake I made the first time I went to an art museum was feeling like I had to love every piece. Boy was I wrong! I love all art, but I definitely have my favorites. I encouraged Jacob to find the types or art and the styles he liked instead of making him sit through the areas of the museum that made him want to fall asleep standing up. But once you find your favorites…
  3. Research! Learn about your favorite artists and their work. Read about their inspirations and the time period when the work was created. When I attended a Kandinsky exhibit several years ago, I wasn’t crazy about some of his sketches until I learned that he did those sketches during WWII when there was no access to art supplies and materials. It made me appreciate those sketches and his talent even more.
  4. Get inspired. After walking through an art museum, many people feel energized, excited and inspired. Don’t let that creative energy get away. Go home and create something! Paint, draw, cook, write, knit, color…it doesn’t matter what you do. Just make something.
  5. Support your local museums. Last, but not least, show your museum some love by making a donation, especially if you are attending on a free or discount day. Many small museums area running on fewer staff members and donations than they used to, so if you liked the museum and enjoyed your experience, show them some love. This includes sharing positive reviews on social media and encouraging friends to go too. Museums will only stay open as long as we support them, so everyone has to do their part if they want to continue enjoying its benefits.
  6. Did I forget to mention their incredible Beauty and the Beast-esque library? Because…goals.

McNay Art Museum Once Unwritten Jess Olma

When was the last time you attended an art museum? Come join my VIP Group and tell us where you went!

Filed Under: Activities, Life Boxes Tagged With: Art Museum, Fun Activities for Kids, San Antonio, Summer Fun

April 9, 2017 by Jess 2 Comments

Find Success in 20 Minutes a Day

How many times do you have a giant list of things to do and you think “I’m just going to take Thursday off and get all of my errands and household chores done at once, that way I can free up time through the rest of my week?”

Yeah, me neither. Because really…who has a whole day to set aside? Sometimes, I even struggle to find an hour for myself. Who am I kidding…most days, it’s hard for me to find a few minutes.

Here’s the thing…there’s a better way.

Let’s relate this to learning a new language. I’ll give you two scenarios…

Scenario numero uno. How effective would it be for you to sit down for an entire day, pouring over translated dictionaries and worksheets, listening to audio tapes and forcing yourself to remember the difference between verbs and their conjugated forms? Not very effective. In all likelihood, you would end up frustrated, bored and ready to quit…and you wouldn’t remember half of what you learned by the next day!

Or, there’s scenario number two. How effective would it be to set aside a mere 20 minutes a day to learn a couple new words, practice a new verb conjugation and repeat back an audio conversation without the pressure of spending a whole day forcing yourself to learn a new, difficult language?

20 Minutes Success Jess Olma Once Unwritten

When we overwhelm ourselves with our impossible to-do list, we set ourselves up to fail before we even begin! Instead, if we chunk the big tasks down into 20 minute intervals, we are much more likely to complete them and feel a sense of accomplishment. We will feel as if we are getting more done (even if the workload or task is exactly the same size as before) and we will feel motivated to continue getting things done.

This tactic can be applied to any list, task or new learning experience. So, here’s my challenge to you:  set aside 20 minutes today to get something done. Set a timer and GO! Don’t dilly dally…just focus for those 20 minutes on getting the job done.

Then, come on over to my VIP Group  and tell us what you did!

Until next time!

 

Filed Under: Life Coach Tagged With: Self Discipline, Success, Time Management

April 8, 2017 by Jess Leave a Comment

Kid-Friendly Letter Writing Using Paper Airplanes!

When I was a kid, I remember taking my lunch to school each day. One peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich, a bag of potato chips, some fruit and maybe a little dessert like leftover brownies or homemade chocolate chip cookies. My mom was always so thoughtful with our lunches, but when I sat down to eat, the first thing I would do was find the note my dad had written me. Each day, before he left for work, he would sit down and write my sister and I a quick note.

Some days, it was just a simple “Have a great day, I love you” and his signature smiley face. Other days, he’d spend extra time imparting bits of wisdom, using our spelling words in a sentence or dressing up that smiley face into a pumpkin for Halloween or a including a four-leaf clover on St. Patty’s Day. To this day, I have a shoebox full of every lunchbox note my dad ever wrote to me. He was touched a few years ago when I told him I still had each of those notes.

My dad took the time each day to commit this small act that left a lasting impact on me, so when I heard about someone doing something similar with paper airplanes, I was on board!

Usborne carries a book called 100 Paper Planes to Fold and Fly. The book is a fun take on the art of paper airplane folding and includes several folding instructions for different styles of airplane and boasts changing paper patterns on each page.

A consultant in one of the groups I’m in began using this book as a way of connecting her Air Force husband to their kids during his absence. He would write them a letter, she would fold up the plane and the kids would find them in the house or their yard. This simple way of relating a message inspired me! I immediately sent a message to my friend Cait (whose husband is a pilot) and she loved the idea of doing this with her kids!

That got me thinking…I would LOVE to gift my friends with some samples of these paper airplanes to create a fun, new experience for their kids. If you are a pilot’s wife or military spouse, I would especially love to share these with you and your kids as a small token of my appreciation for your family’s service and sacrifice.

To claim your FREE paper airplanes, please follow the link to fill and fill out this Google Doc: Paper Airplane Giveaway

Once you’ve written, folded and shared all your letters, come on over and join my VIP group and tell us about your paper airplane experience!

Filed Under: Activities, Books, Literacy Tagged With: Aviation, Fun Activities for Kids, Letter Writing, Military, Paper Airplanes

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